I was 20 years an atheist and reasonably content with where my life was and where it was going.
By "atheist", I should explain I wasn't a typical "evangelical" atheist, going around trying to talk people out of believing in God. I knew plenty of Christians, and the whole prayer & scriptures thing seemed to work for them, but for myself, I was strictly "none-of-the-above", religiously.
I didn't even consider myself "spiritual". The only peculiar habit I had was that, when I felt troubled, I would visualize myself alone in a room, talking to an older, wiser man, and getting counsel therefrom. Turns out - as I learned later in my discussions with the missionaries - what I was doing was technically indistinguishable from "prayer", although that was never how I thought of it.
I've had Mormon co-workers before. I was in the Navy for 6 years. Worked alongside plenty of them. My opinion: didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't swear, slow to anger... kind, reliable, and trustworthy. Just... all around nice folk. Didn't understand them, but liked working with them.
My Navy days are far behind me now, but recently I'd gotten a new Mormon co-worker that I was assisting on a project. A very nice lady. Very cheerful. Seemed happy all the time. And I felt a little envious of HOW happy. I thought to myself that I might like to be happy like that, instead of just "reasonably content".
One day I was chatting with her, dropping casual cuss-words into the conversation (there's a reason the expression "swear like a sailor" exists), and she asked me to please not swear around her.
So I figured "I don't swear around kids or sweet little old grandmothers, I can turn it off for her, too."
And I did.
And in the following days, I decided that I should practice not swearing so I wouldn't let any profanity slip in future conversations with her.
And I started noticing something. I used to swear at my computer any time it was slow or balky. Well, I'd stopped doing that. And I noticed I was less frustrated. More peaceful. Calm.
Which made me wonder what OTHER parts of her religion might have practical side effects (I'd never considered religion "practical" before).
She told me about the Word of Wisdom - no tea, or coffee, or alcohol, or tobacco. Kind of a bummer, since I was 0 for 4 on that - I did everything.
So I gave up tea - there were other non-carbonated beverages that were just as tasty.
Coffee - well, sometimes I drank decaf because I didn't want to be up all night, but I still wanted a beverage that "tasted like getting stuff done". Turns out Kaffree Roma Roasted Grain Beverage was close enough. Plus, no more "caffeine roller-coaster".
Alcohol - I drank regularly, but not heavily. I tended to lay awake, just thinking, unable to shut off my brain, so I would drink some liquor at bedtime as a sleep aid. Every night. Woke up a little fuzzy-headed, but at least I got some sleep.
Well, one night I was feeling tired, so I decided to try just going to bed without the booze.
It worked. And no morning fuzzy-head.
And that was that for alcohol. Afterwards, if I found myself battling insomnia - turns out a stomach full of milk & cookies makes me sleepy, too.
Tobacco... well, tobacco and I go WAY back, and I thought that would be tough. I didn't smoke cigarettes, but I loved cigars. I did my best thinking with a cigar in my hand. So I thought about what might make a good substitute. Turns out: Tootsie Roll Pops. Very strong flavor, you can hold them in one hand (or your mouth), and they last a long time.
That worked. No more smell. No more mess. No more expense. No more having to run out in the cold to get a "fix."
I tried other things, too.
Reading scriptures every day.
Blessing the food before every meal.
Praying morning and evening.
Not working on Sundays - I thought that one was going to be impossible. In addition to my day job, I had a couple recurring freelance writing projects, so I was working 7 days a week. I couldn't imagine taking a day off. But I decided to try working just a little bit harder the other 6 days, and lo and behold, I found myself with my Sundays free. This commandment is actually my favorite one to keep now.
Watching General Conference. Twice. I really liked the talks. They were very uplifting and seemed geared to a wider audience than just church members.
Tithing - I practiced setting aside 10% of my income, just to see if it would be a burden. Turned out I didn't even notice a difference.
Fast Sunday - I discovered that, after a couple hours, I didn't even feel hungry anymore. Surprisingly easy.
And I read... "Mormonism for Dummies"... Talmage's "The Articles of Faith"... I wanted to make sure that I was aware of all the "tricky parts" of this faith. That there were no more surprises.
I'd also read a lot of stuff about Mormonism on the internet, and came away with two peculiar results. First, when I read "mainstream" Christians bashing Mormonism for not being mainstream, I noticed that it was just those parts that they didn't like that made Mormonism more appealing to me. Things like pre-mortal existence, the plan of happiness, God & Jesus being separate personages, and the three post-mortal kingdoms of glory - these all made sense to me. I thought that if I were God and I wanted my spirit-children to become like me, that's what *I* would do.
Second I noticed that opponents of Mormonism tended to swear and be very angry in their writing, while Mormons on the internet were calm and rational and patient. From years of working on the internet, I know that the people who are the angriest in an argument are usually the ones who are wrong.
And then my friend sent missionaries to my house. And I took lessons every week. And I asked hard questions, and over time I kept noticing that I shared a lot of values with this faith. Values that I'd picked up in the Navy - honesty, integrity, responsibility, accountability, reliability, loyalty, obedience to higher authority.
And after many long discussions, and prayer and pondering and letting my Heavenly Father address my concerns and answer my questions, I decided I had gone as far as I could go in just "thinking about things". I'd hit a plateau and the only way forward was to take action. I set a date for my baptism.
And right after my baptism, on that very day, I wrote in my little notebook, "I am happy".
I had found what I was looking for. I had traded up - exchanging my "reasonable contentment" for happiness.
Best deal I ever made, and I look forward to continuing to make it forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment