I was praying one day. Not the typical long-distance call to a far-off Heaven prayer. More of an up close and personal conversational type prayer. I felt very calm and peaceful and guided and loved.
Shortly after closing that off, something irritated me, and - in my head - I started reciting an angry litany of everything that was difficult and unfair about the situation.
Then a thought occurred to me: "Brolson... who are you talking to?"
Because the tone of the litany was strikingly different from that of the prayer. Dark instead of bright, heavy instead of light, angry instead of peaceful. So I was pretty sure I wasn't talking to Heavenly Father anymore.
That stopped me cold. I don't really want to have conversations with the adversary. They don't make me happy. The never make me happy. All they do is make me feel darkly vindicated. But darkness isn't happiness. And neither, for that matter, is vindication. Vindication is a counterfeit of righteousness, and its main component is celebrating the fact that someone else was proven wrong. It's just schadenfreude. It's not joy.
So, at that moment, instead of listing everything that was wrong with someone else, I started telling my Heavenly Father how *I* was feeling. Mostly sad, and inadequate, and disappointed that things weren't turning out the way I'd hoped. And when you share those kinds of feelings with Him, He can send the Spirit to comfort and reassure you, and give you the strength to move forward from your sad place to walk in the light of happiness again.
So if you notice a voice in your head explaining why you deserve to be angry at someone else, just stop... instead, tell your Father how you're feeling about yourself, and let Him help.
Who are YOU talking to?
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